I'd Rather Be Barefoot...: Eyes Swollen Shut & Snakes on a Front Porch (AKA Easter 2012)

Gah....can't anything in my life just be N-O-R-M-A-L?? The answer is no. I'd be bored with normal.

Friday, April 6, 2012

I woke up on this glorious Friday morning excited to have the day off and prepare for my family to head to Knoxville. It was a beautiful day and I was ready to take a longer than 10 minute shower, dress up, and turn into Martha Stewart for the day.

Instead, I woke up with my eyes almost swollen shut due to allergies, a cranky 5 year old who didn't want to leave the house, and the dread of having to go to Walmart on Good Friday (don't do it, people!). So...I popped my new allergy pill (long story there), forced my boy out the door by bribing him with cheese dip at Salsaritas, and put a smile on my (swollen) face to all Walmart shoppers. $125 later (still don't know what I bought that cost that much), I headed home to unload my "hostess with the mostess" groceries just in time for my family to arrive.

SIDE NOTE.- I had bought "no bake" cookies at Walmart and was trying to slap them on a pretty serving tray and pretend I made them...but my brother and his family got there too early and busted me. SHAMEFUL!!

BACK TO STORY...
I'm walking up to my front porch with an armful of groceries and 6 glass bottles of beverage (ahem...)and I see a little "familiar" head sticking out of the crack in my front porch ~~that my~~ ~~husband keeps telling me he's going to have fixed.~~ I bent down to say hello (and I mean..right in it's face because I'm a lover of all lizards) and about died TWICE when I saw what I saw. I saw a big ol' snake face with his big ol' beady eyes and big ol' forked tongue looking right at me. I say I about died twice because A.) I almost had a heart attack right there on my front lawn and B.) I backed up so quickly I nearly tripped over my monkey grass and cracked my head right there on the sidewalk (not to mention I may have yelled a few "choice" words)...sorry...it's just what I do when I'm startled enough to lose my breath. I believe my brother was only concerned and proud of the fact that I didn't drop the beverage bottles. ;)

Well I did what any Southern girl would do...I called my brother, then my daddy, then my husband to tell them about the snake and demand that they "do something"!

Brother: "What do you want me to do about it?"

Daddy: "Just reach in there and pull it out!"

Husband: "He's not going to bother you..he's more scared of you". REALLY??? Really.

NO HELP WHATSOEVER.

So there you have it...not only did I provide food for my family this Easter weekend, but I also provided good ol', free, redneck, snake wrangling entertainment. My dad even went so far as to pick up a fake snake at the Dollar Store and hide it in various locations outside...help us, Lord!

No...we have not seen the snake in 2 days. Various explanations?

Me: "He probably realized that wasn't a good place to hide since we come up and down the porch a lot."

Sister-in-law: "She's probably way back in there protecting lots of baby snake eggs."

Brother: "He probably climbed in your house somehow and will show up in your toilet."

There are no words.

We ended up having a great weekend despite the snake incident...I won't bore you with the details because if you are anything like me...I look at blogs for the pictures.

Another Side Note:

Matt says I'm "vain" for worrying about it, but I look horrendous in our Easter pictures. My allergies have been awful this year and my eyes/face has been swollen since last week. I'm not fishing for "I think you look GREAT" comments...I just don't want you think I'm pregnant or dying. ;) Ok...I'm finished.