What I do Know....

I consider myself a writer.  I have no published books and no one knows my name as an author, but writing is definitely one of my top forms of self expression.  I know it's time to write another post when my fingers are almost itching to get to a computer. 

In light of what happened in CT on Friday, I realized how many things I do not know.  How many things I do not have answers for now and will never have answers for until I am with Jesus for eternity.  I know God will probably wait as long as He can to call me home because He just isn't ready to deal with my rapid fire questioning.  And who knows...maybe He will just bless us all with ultimate knowledge upon arrival so He doesn't have to answer a million questions.  Can't you just see Jesus saying.."Now Amanda...you know there are no stupid questions but I really need to get back to the business of being God"...;)

In this post, I thought I would just write some things that I do know.  Remember, you may not always agree with the things I say and that's ok.  I can certainly respect you for your opinions and beliefs and I know my friends do the same for me.

So in regards to what happened on Friday, here's what I know....


1. I know God is in control.  Our generation is not the first to experience evil.  God didn't take a snack break at 9:00 on Friday morning and return for the angels to fill Him in on what happened.  These things happen because we live in a sin filled world with sin filled people...myself included.

2. I know that regardless of what the news said about the gunman being "Brilliant", "Remote"  "had a personality disorder", etc....let's just get down to business and be honest.  This guy is a total jerk-wad.  Plain and simple.  (I could have used a more grown up word than jerk-wad, but didn't want to offend.)  However, once I've said that in anger, I have to think a little more maturely.  Had he not killed himself, perhaps one day he would have come to know Jesus.  Perhaps he would have asked for forgiveness.  Would Jesus have forgiven him?  Could I forgive him if my child had been one of his victims?  Whew....on this rainy Sunday, that's a tough pill for me to swallow.  Honestly, I know God would have...not sure I could. 

3. I know that what happened at that school is every teacher/school administrator's worst nightmare.  I am on the safety committee at my school and we have a plan.  Every school has a plan.  Plans just don't always work in situations like this.  I have probably run through in my mind what "I would have done" a thousand times this weekend.  And I honestly get nauseated every time I try to run through it.  I've been in lockdowns before...real ones.  Sitting there in a dark corner of your classroom with 20 kids, not knowing what's going on in the halls of your school, doing everything you can to reassure the worried little faces you see, pretending it's just a drill.  Your heart pounds out of your chest.  Your mother's instinct takes over and you go into protective mode.  What those teachers did?  Not surprising at all.  That's part of our job.  Those kids in my classroom are MY kids from 8-3.  I wouldn't let anyone hurt Noah and I'm certainly not going to allow anyone to hurt my other 19 babies. 

***Some of you are still worried because I said I'm on the school safety committee..I know it.*** ;)

4. I know that when I look at the pictures of these victims, I know without a shadow of a doubt that it could have been me.  It could have been any of us. And it could happen again.  We like to build our lives with false security.  We like to think we are safe.  And we should be able to think that.  We shouldn't have to worry when we drop our kids off at school, or go to the mall, or go to the movies.  But I do know we are not guaranteed tomorrow.  Plain and simple.  Whether it be an illness, a car accident, or a horrific event that we happen to be a part of...LIFE IS FRAGILE.  It is fleeting....it is fast. 

5.  I know that relationships are important.  In my life, relationships are a top priority.  Matt and I were talking last night that if it had been my school on Friday, and I hadn't made it out...what would I have wanted to make sure of?  My immediate answer was "that the people I love knew that I loved them."  Did I say it?  Did I show it?  It's what matters most to me.

So in all of the things that I don't know (which outweighs what I do know by a lot), these are just some things that I do know.  I also know no one likes a blog without pictures (fact) so I'll leave you with a couple.....

My Love Bugs.....

Keepin' It Real...Christmas Card Photo Prep...right after N smacked me in the face with that hideous hat. :)